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Death gets real when you sign your note.

Anonymous asked: your blog is like a parody of all the humor blogs and that is why i follow you

officialunitedstates:

this is an art blog

officialunitedstates:

Three things every person needs:

  1. A nice attitude
  2. A smile
  3. A safe-deposit box at the bank that contains a passport, a gun, and thousands of dollars in various currencies

(via officialunitedstates)

officialunitedstates:

sunshinychick:

officialunitedstates:

bombing:

officialunitedstates:

does anyone here mind

don’t use the toaster

*roasts bread like a marshmallow*

what the hell…………..i read this like 7 times to see if i was missing some kind of joke and i dont get it i’m so frustrated why is this just on my dash with no explanation like it makes perfect sense

don’t use the toaster

Or the microwave for that matter.

officialunitedstates:

FACT OF THE DAY: Few animals other than humans are known to use tools to accomplish tasks.  One such animal is the North American shrew, which uses quite a developed method to create wings with which to fly. 
First, the shrews work to gather pulp and leaves, which they chew and spit out over and over again until it is the perfect consistency.  This process can take several days.  Eventually, the pulp is fashioned into a wing-like design.  It is then coated thickly in tree sap to reduce wear and tear during flight. 
Once completed, the shrews elect within their own populations those individuals who are best adapted to flight.  These “pilots” are typically the thinnest and tallest shrews, and they also generally have superior eyesight.  Finally, after a brief training course, the pilots equip their wings and are ready for flight. 

reallyreallyreallytrying:

the #1 secret of successful people is you can make your entire income a tax write off by converting it to pennies & putting them on a railroad track

(via officialunitedstates)